remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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