I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
