the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I have fence marks all over my body
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
