Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
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