is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
