Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
