why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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