who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
