This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
