As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
