The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Randomize
