hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
