i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
