i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize
