at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
