I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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