did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
