Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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