I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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