her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
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