We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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