I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
