I think scott just propositioned me for sex
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
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