no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
Randomize
