where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
