the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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