Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
