he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
