Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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