escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
