dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
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