You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
