He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
