I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
