my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
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