I didn't shave. On purpose
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
So far my survey results are telling me to pawn the ring. Thoughts?
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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