How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
