In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
