i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Swine flu is the new snow day.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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