I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
smell my finger.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Randomize
