I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
