It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
