You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
