Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
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