Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
