I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
