Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
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