I wish my penis had an off switch
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Randomize
