There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
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