Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
