Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
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