So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
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