I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
