i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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