yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
