I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
